father's day

well this is my second father's day now without my sweet daddy.
so i guess you could say i've been in a bit of a funk this week.

you never realize how much commercialism there is around these holidays until you're trying not to think about them. good job advertising industry.

for the past couple weeks it's been kind of bombarding my thoughts with ads everywhere in stores and all over the internet... 'don't forget father's day!'

how could i forget father's day...
my dad was only the most influential person in my life.

all of our family was very close. but i was a daddy's girl from day one...
he always bragged about how he gave me my first kiss.
so somehow when we lost him, i felt like i lost 'my' person.

i think it was partly because there is just a special bond between fathers and daughters. i don't know why that is. but also i think it's because i was more like my dad than anyone in the world. i was literally made from the same stuff as him. some people get a mix of their parents...i mostly got my mom on the outside...people say we look like sisters, but it's like if you cut me open you'd see my daddy.
so i think because of that he understood me better than anyone in the world did...and maybe loved me more too because i was like a little clone of the woman he adored.

i'm so thankful that i had him. i think you can never recover from losing that kind of love though. but it was worth it. i'm so thankful to God that He gave him to me...even though our time was too short...no amount of time could have been long enough.

i'm thankful also to have a husband who loves me very much. maybe someday through him God will somehow redeem this day and give it new meanings.
but i will always remember today the first man who ever loved me.

happy father's day daddy.