today would have been my dad's 59th birthday. i always miss him a little extra on this day, but this year as i think of him i can't help but think about how this year he would have been a grandpa.

i don't know how to explain this without sounding crazy...but today i feel thankful that i miss him. i feel thankful for the sense of losing something so great.

i think the reason is because my child will never get to know him. they'll never know the feeling of loss and missing him, because they will never know the feeling of having him. and for that reason i feel sad for my child and what they will miss... even though they'll also miss the grief of loss.

growing up, i had all four of my grandparents living until i was 12. i guess it was something that i took for granted. our child will only know 2 of their grandparents. and only one of them lives on the same continent.

that is sad for me because i know what they're missing out on...but for this child, i guess you don't really miss something that you never had. i do know that this kid will be loved by a lot of people though.

one of my dad's favorite books of the bible was job. and today i can't help but think of the verse where he says "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:21)

i think today for the first time...almost 3.5 years after losing my dad, i can finally say that to God with full honesty. of course i wish more than anything that i still had my dad here with me. but even when He takes away...God is good. he gave me the most wonderful father a girl could ask for...and now He's given us a new blessing.

One Comment

  1. Out of my own experience, as long as you make them alive for them by telling about them and looking at pics, telling stories etc.... they are very alive for them. Remember, kids life mostly in an imaginary life, reality is pretty strange to them for a long time! Use that. I did... Whenever I cried about the loss of my Mom, Anna got curious and I would explain.... so today she is sad that her Grandma's are all in heaven and its strange for her to know that one of them did not even ever held her. She believes she did! She is so convinced of it that I had to go through our scrapbooks to make her see that we do not have pictures from them together. And never forget the baby will get to know your Dad through you!!!!! There is a part of you in him!!! Hugs! And be not afraid to "adopt" Grandparents! Works too! We even adopted Auntie Laurene and Uncle Kelly.... Anna still believes we are related! :-)


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