technology is amazing.



the ultrasound tech even ask us if we wanted to know the gender!

i totally wasn't ready for that question.
the hubby and i still haven't agreed on whether or not to find out. he doesn't want to know, but i kind of do.

anyways, she said she couldn't really give us a definitive answer on the gender this early, but she had an educated guess if we wanted to know it. we decided to pass this time though...since it wouldn't be for sure, and since we still aren't in agreement! :P

the next sonogram isn't until early february...but hopefully i can convince the hubby before that!

having a baby on the way, with the addition of the holiday season, seems to have me missing my dad perhaps even more than normal lately.

i think being a grandfather is something he would have enjoyed thoroughly.

my dad was one of the few people i've ever known who wanted to be old. i think he probably looked towards his elderly years with anticipation. it seems like he was always sort of an old soul.

ironically, he never really got a chance to get too old. though he secretly treasured every gray hair that he had like a badge of honor.

he would have been such a fun grandpa. though i think what he had decided he would officially want to be called is 'grandaddy'...how old is that?!

i feel sad because i miss him...but i also feel sad for my child who will never get to know him. i just hope that i can find a way to make him real.

this week i saw my baby. (this post was written oct. 29)

we had our first sonogram, which was a crazy and surreal experience.

maybe i watch too many documentaries, but up until that point i had this secret fear that perhaps my body was just tricking me and i wasn't really pregnant. has anyone ever heard the story of the historical bloody mary? it seems that her infamous rage and bloodshed on all of england may have actually been the result of crazy hormones that gave her two false pregnancies that actually fooled the doctors as well. crazytown, right?

anyways, i need to stop watching the history channel.

all is well, and there's really a baby inside! i was amazed at how much i could actually see even though things are still very early. they said i'm only at 7ish weeks. but still, i could see little arms and legs, and a little heart just pumping away at 140 beats a minute.



amazing.

although i've felt like crap the past few weeks, i can't get over how amazing this experience is. how God really does make something amazing from nothing...and so quickly too! at this point the little one is more than doubling in size every week!

we really are fearfully and wonderfully made. i think science confirms that now more than ever.

*this post was written in october, but you will likely be reading this a couple months later.*

this week i got one of these...



yes, that's a positive pregnancy test. i took a second one just to be sure.

i yelled from the bathroom, and shomik came running because he thought we were out of toilet paper or something.

we were both pretty surprised.

which is in fact surprising...since we were sort of trying to get pregnant.

not trying in the strict sense...but we'd pulled the goalie awhile back.

however, my cycles had been super irregular and frustrating...with several months of late periods and no pregnancies, so i had gotten to where being late didn't really surprise me or make me suspicious.

plus, i had taken a test when this period first went MIA several weeks before, and got a negative at that point. so this test happened more than 3 weeks later...when i was about to miss a second period.

as a result the doctor thinks we could be as far as 6-8 weeks along. which would mean the end of may is baby time!

crazy, right?!

it completely doesn't feel real yet.

except for that my boobs hurt like crazy. i'm having some mean heart burn too...though i had previously attributed that to eating fried foods at the fair this week. :P i guess that is still a likely cause.

we're excited though. even though we have no clue what we're doing or how things will work.

it's definitely a miracle.
good thing God gives us a bit of time to get used to the idea.
i hope he'll prepare me to be a good mama as well over the next few months! :)