i didn't really want to blog much about grief here. i had another blog that i used around the time that i lost my dad and all, which i have since retired because it became too engulfed in that sadness.

but grief has been tearing at me again a lot the past few months, and i feel the need to get it out. somehow writing it always helps me a bit to work through it.

my mom is getting remarried.

she's with a great guy, and i think this will be a good thing...for her.
i'm happy that she's happy.

but as for me, it's been ripping me apart. like ripping the scabs off of a wound that was starting to heal.

the grief of first losing my dad was the worst...but this may be the most difficult.

difficult because it's not simple. when he was suddenly taken from us we grieved hard and the world grieved with us. pain was the only thing we could feel.

but now i grieve alone. and my grief is one that most people don't understand...it's a grief that people might even judge me for...it's a grief that i feel the need to hide because it might hurt others.

but like the previous grief, it's a thing i can't control.
i wish i could.

this grief is like another reality of my dad being gone. it's also a grief for the only family i ever knew.
some pieces of that family may still exist, but they're all fragmented and scattered about now...and this is like the final nail in the coffin.

i know that time will heal...and eventually these new changes will give me joy.
but for now it hurts. i hate being thrown back into grief again.


  1. I'm sorry that you are hurt like this! As for as people judgeing you not me I don't do that to no one I don't have the right do such a thing. You are right you will heal in time and find new joy in this new part of your life. I understand where you are coming from my mom has been going for 6yrs now well last year my dad finaly started to see someone serious they lasted bout year or something like that I felt pain I was sad upset what not plus I know she did not like me and what not I tried to keep open mind I know she is not trying to take place of my mom what not. I know that your moms soon to be husband is not trying and will never take the place of you dad. I'm here if you need to vent.

  2. Judging you because of grieving what should have and could have been? Never!!! Too much in my life I am still grieving! Good for you that you are not hiding but put it out there! First step in the right direction! Don't be too hard on yourself. Praying for you!

  3. I distinctively remember in the early years following my mother's death, the feeling that people just wanted to shut me up already about expressing these feelings about losing my mom and that abyss that seems to be left on darker days.

    Lift your eyes up! Know that you should express to your heart's content! In expression is healing. :)
    God bless you,


popular posts

Search This Blog